December 31, 2012

Well it is finally here. The very last day of the year 2012. Today is my one year aniversary with Sage. One whole year. 365 days. No, I will not count the hours  minutes  and seconds. One year with one horse. A really very big deal in my life. I look forward to more years with Sage. She is just the best horse in the world. My love for her grows more each day. Good Girl as I tell her all the time.
On to 2013. I must say I do look forward to putting 2012 behind me. Many of the events in this year have changed my life. I lost one of the best friends I have ever had to cancer. His brother left us 3 months later. I miss you Gerald. I miss you every day and think of you every day. I am moving forward like you said I should. Oh, by the way, you were right about Sage. She made it to one year and is a great horse. You were right. I know you would have loved hearing that. But you already know you were right and do not have to hear it. In your next life you remember and see into this life and you are smiling because you were right. Thanks for everything.
I have made new friends and grown even closer with old ones. I look forward to good times with all of them.
I am not much on New Year's resolutions because I tend to forget them after just a few days. My life has changed in the last few months and alot of it has been for the better. I have tried, (and I do say tried) to be a better person. I hope to continue with that trend. Not a resolution, just a life style change. I have tried to walk away from the drama and make things simple. It is what it is and we do what we have to do. A good friend of mine told me that and she was right. Move forward and have great memories but keep moving forward.
I have great plans for the year 2013. I hope 2013 has good things for me. I am ready to go forward.
Everyone have a wonderful day and if you are out and about tonight, please be safe. I hope 2013 has wonderful things for you as well. Thanks for reading.
Below is a picture of Sage with her family this past weekend. Sage had fun and I hope they did too.

3 days till One Year!!!!!!!

On Dec. 31 2011, Miss Sage came to live with me. In previous blogs I have written about my run of bad luck with horses. I was uncertain. I remember telling Gerald I was not sure. He told me it would be fine and this was the one. Honestly I doubted him. Well as always Gerald was right. In 3 more days Sage and I will celebrate our 1 year. It will be with mixed emotion. I am thrilled she is here and love here so much and hope for many many more aniversarys. She is happy. She has food, a place to get in from the heat and cold and she gets so much love. During our first year together we lost Gerald to cancer. It has been rough moving forward without him. But we have moved forward. He wanted us to and we have. We have made decisions without him and they were the right ones. We have found new friends to answers questions that we would have needed him for. We miss him so very bad and think of him all the time but we go on like he would want us to. Sage is just the best horse in the world and the most beautiful. I love her so very much. She loves me back. How do I know? She comes to me and puts her head on my shoulder and wants to be touched and brushed. She gives me love back. You have to be a horse person to know, but I know. Horses are smart and have great memory. She knows where she gets love from and comes to me for this. I ramble. Sorry. In three days we will celebrate our one year. One whole year! It is a really big deal. She will get a special treat and I will look to the heavens and remind Gerald it has been a year and he was right. I will not see it but he will smile because he was right. One year with one horse. Sage and I will celebrate with a ride and a good brushing and some bond time between us. Then we will ring in the new year and hope 2013 will be a much better one and continue on through our 2nd year together. One year.

The watch for 2013

The watch is on for 2013. The days count down waiting for the minutes and seconds to count down. I am looking forward to this new year. I am hoping for a much better year than 2012. On New Year's Eve of last year I was dropping off last minute mixers for a really dear friend so he could ring in the New Year with his favorite drink. He was heading out to a New Year's Eve Party with family and friends and I was heading to a seperate gathering of friends. Last year at this time I was ending my relationship with one horse that we just could not seem to communicate and getting ready to begin my relationship with Sage, the best Quarter Horse in the world. Little Ben, the best donkey in the world has not long arrived at my home and we were getting to know each other.
Life was good. Family and Friends were happy and healthy and all was well in my little world. Then in came 2012 and it all came crashing down.
Good-bye to 2012. I am glad to see you go. Surely 2013 will be kinder.
I wish everyone a Happy New Year. I look forward to seeing it come.

Santa is coming

It is Christmas Eve. Santa will be coming tonight. I hope. All is calm. I want to take this minute to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Enjoy your family and friends. Be kind to one another. Have a wonderful holiday time.

Now I understand.

Went to the funeral of a friend from long ago yesterday. The brother of G, the man I refer to often in this blog. The last time I visited with E was in September just a couple of days before G passed away. He was in from OK to see his brother and I had the opportunity to sit and visit with E for almost an hour. The first time we had seen each other in probably 15 years and as it turns out the last time we saw each other. Our visit was good. We talked about old times, told funny stories about his brother G, and just had wonderful conversation about life and our families. It was good. Our conversation drifted to his brother G and how I came to know him and become his friend. I told the story. I also shared with E how much I loved his brother and how wonderful his brother had been to me. He said he is that kind of person and he is a good boy. he actually used the word boy. E was older than G so I guess it just came natural to call him a boy. G stood way taller than his older brother but age comes before height, I suppose. I shared with E my saddness of what was happening to G and that my heart was breaking for G and his family. I also shared with him how much I would miss his brother when the time came for him to go.
E looked at me and said, "He is going to be OK, He will be alright". I told him I knew what the doctors had said and I believed them and did not think G would be OK. E looked me in the eye and said, "You don't understand what I am saying to you. He is at home now surrounded by family and friends that love him. He will get his strength from this. He will be alright. Do you understand what I am telling you?" I said I did, but I really did not understand. We had been told that G had 2 weeks to 2 months and I could see him getting worse. I just thought maybe E was in denial and did not understand. I told him I prayed for him every day and he thanked me and said he appreciated it. He told me how he was going to be OK and how his doctor had given him good news and he could go back to work next year. He then closed that part of the conversation by telling me, "If the doctor is wrong, I will still be OK"
I understand now. E was telling me that his little brother would be OK because he was going to live in heaven, and begin the next story in his life. His faith in God and his little brother was stronger than the sickness that was over taking both of them. He was ready to begin the next story in his life as well.
As I sat during the funeral yesterday I was sad. Both brothers had left this world within 3 months. How sad I feel for their sisters.
I also remembered my conversation with E the last time I saw him. They are OK and begining the next story of their lives.
I will miss them both. One of them was one of the best friends I have ever had and my heart still breaks and the other was the one that started my heart to healing by his faith and being honest with me. It took me a while to remember that conversation, but I remember now. R.I.P. and thanks to both of you. I will remember you always.
During the funeral yesterday as people spoke of the wonderful kind man I remembered our last visit. I remembered his faith that his younger brother would be OK. There was no doubt in his heart and mind about this.

Take a long walk in a new pair of boots

Today was a better day. Gift exchange at work (and I got the perfect gift) put me in a little better spirits. I had a wonderful laugh about an old memory but it was great fun remembering.
Christmas is only a few days away and I am so trying to get in a better mood.
I did read something I would like to share today that I feel applies to my life at the moment
"If you want to forget all your troubles, Take a long walk in a NEW pair of boots."
I have a new pair of boots and I just might try this. Christmas would be great from the easy chair while everyone is waiting on me.
Thanks for reading.

I am having a hard time.

I am having a hard time this Christmas. I lost someone I just thought the world of a few months ago and it seems that is all I can think about. I miss him. He has family that I know miss him and loved him so very much and I do not mean to take away from them. He and I had a great friendship and we had good times. I miss him and the good times and his kind words and all the great things we did and said for each other. Therre is not much more I can say. I miss him. This time of year I seem to be thinking of him more and more. I try not to, but everything I look at and everything I hear, suddenly there he is. Smiling at me. I just miss him. There is not much more I can say. Time heals is what everyone says. How much time? Christmas is almost here and I get more and more sad with each day. My heart hurts. I miss him so very much. I hope it gets better soon.

Christmas Shopping

I went Christmas shopping this weekend. There were lots of people out and about. I guess they were Christmas shopping also. Hard to tell. Some looked happy and some look unhappy. Went to dinner with my husband. He also went shopping with me. Dinner was nice. We did have good food and a nice time. Shopping was not that bad. I am almost done. I just have one or two more things to pick up and I can do that one day this week. Mostly gift cards. Not a big deal. Nothing to stress over. I did notice while out Christmas shopping that people seem to be spending more money this year. I hope that is a sign things are going to get better with the economy.
My tree now has more than one gift. Gifts are ready for work. Our Christmas lunch at work is this Wednesday.
I think Christmas is coming even though I had hoped it would skip me this year. Still no Christmas spirit within me though. Just not in the mood. Doing what I have to do to get by. Maybe by the weekend I will have some cheer. Maybe I will just have some egg nog and not care.
Everyone have a great day and thanks for reading.

Why?

My heart is broken over the killing of all the little children in CT. I do not understand why anyone would want to harm children. They are so innocent. It is so very sad. I feel for their families. I cannot imagine how they are feeling. Just a very sad day.
I love and hug mine way more today.
I just do not understand why?

A Christmas Present

There is a Christmas present under my Christmas tree. I guess since it is under the tree that automatically makes it a Christmas present doesn't it. Would not be a birthday present or a wedding present or any other type of present. Well anyway, I ramble. There is actually a present under my tree. I did some light shopping this week. What is light shopping. It is the type of shopping where you go out and you buy a couple of things and then you know you have to go out and buy more. I do have to go out and buy more. This weekend. But anyway, there is the present under my tree and it is wrapped in Santa wrapping paper and it looks festive and alone. I will get it some friends this weekend. I have to. Christmas is almost here. Bah Humbag. I wish we could skip it this year. I actually wish we could have skipped 2012 but that is another blog. Stay tuned. More Christmas presents to come.

Not Again

Once again, I have sad news. Gerald's brother passed away today. Not really sure what happened, but he did have cancer (a different type than Gerald). He had been getting great reports from his doctors recently so his death was really a shock. I feel so really bad for his family. Their sisters have lost both their brothers in 3 months. This is a family of great faith. A very close family. My heart really goes out to them.
I was not as close to Edward as I was Gerald, but knew him. Had a really great visit with him when I visited with Gerald the last time. We must have visited for an hour. He was like Gerald in a lot of ways, but different in many ways as well. He was a very nice guy who loved his family and friends. He loved kids. He like Gerald was a Farrier and loved working with horses.
I am sad about his passing. I love the family and and my heart goes out to them. I liked Edward. We went to school together and when I saw him in September he remembered me and we talked. I will miss him. A friend from a very long time ago that I was getting to know again. Rest In Peace my dear friend. Once again we have lost a dear friend, but heaven has gained a wonderful new angel. I will miss you.

UGH!!! Christmas shopping.

Well here we are 2 weeks before Christmas and I have just now finally started my Christmas shopping. I have already told you that I am just not in the Christmas spirit this year and that is really not any better. But I have started Christmas shopping. I purchased a few gifts yesterday. Honestly this year it is just a chore to get out and even try, but I was out most of the day yesterday. I only purchased a few things but I guess a start is a start. Normally I would be finished by the first of December, everything wrapped and enjoying the holidays. Not this year. I can see myself running around on Christmas Eve trying to buy last minute gifts. I am going to try and go out this coming weekend and just finish up. Just buy a gift and move on. It's just a gift and no one likes what you get anyway so buy something and move on. How is that for Christmas spirit. I am sorry I just cannot help it this year. I know it will get better. Won't it?
I can say I am really looking at gift cards. The perfect gift. Buy the damn thing and go on. Get Christmas behind us and move on to 2013, where it has to get better. Right???
Did I mention that I found out I have another dear friend with cancer and it is not good. Sorry, but I just had to throw that one out there. You will be hearing about it lots so you might as well know now.
Everyone have a wonderful day and thanks for reading. I promise I will write something cheerful very soon. Maybe.

The Christmas Mini Queen

Well Miss Skylar was in a Christmas pageant over the weekend. She got to ride in the local parade and compete for the title of Little Miss Merry Christmas. I thought her dress said Little Miss Merry Christmas just fine and we practiced and practiced answer random question and out wave to the crowd and all that you think little girls will have to do in a local pageant. Well guess what, we did not win. We did not even place. Now I am really trying hard not to be a pageant Mom, but I thought my contestant was the best one. The judges must have been having a really bad night. Although I do suspect that the winning little girl's Mom does feel the same way I do, but does this really matter. Mine was the best. This I am certain. :)  Sky was disappointed she did not win. She got a little trophy for competing, so I told her to smile and be happy and we will come back next year and get them.
Well she has a really nice Christmas dress this year and some a new experience to talk about and remember.
Thank for reading and everyone have a great day.

Christmas Countdown

The countdown is on to Christmas. Presents need to be purchased, meals planned, presents wrapped, cards addressed and many other things. I have not been in the Christmas spirit at all this year. I really just wish it would go away. I have a tree up but the decoration are just plain awful and I look at it each and every day and think about taking it down. There are no presents under the tree because I have not purchased any. I have Christmas cards still in the package on my kitchen table, but still have to open the package, write in them, address them and mail them. I just do not see it happening this year. We have started receiving Christmas Cards in the mail and they are beautiful and very appreciated, but I do not think I will mail any this year. I just cannot seem to get in the mood. We had Merry Christmas pagent practice last night for Skylar. She did wonderful. I did manage to get her a very pretty Christmas dress with new stocking and shoes and hairbows. She is very pretty in this and I am sure there will be pictures later for you to see. Maybe the little pagent will help me into the Christmas spirit. I just don't see it happening. Mostly the pagent is alot of hurry up and wait and hold your breath because you do not know what they are going to say to the judges. Stress is what is is causing me, not Christmas spirit. I even watched "It's a Wonderful Life" but that did nothing for me. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday but this year it is turning out to be a stressful time and no comfort and joy to be found. I have got to do better and look for this Holiday spirit. I wonder: can you buy it at Wal-Mart? Maybe a more upscale store like Macy's will have it.
Everyone have a wonderful day and if you know where I can find this Christmas Spirit please leave me a message. I must get in the Christmas Spirit soon.
Thanks for reading. Ho Ho Ho and Bah Humbag all in one visit. Have a great day.

Now everyone is happy.