Home Sick with Memories

I have been home almost all day with a stomach bug. I feel Ucky. Ucky, for those of you who do not know, is really bad. While I was laying in bed I was flooded with memories of this past year of my life. Not just 2012 really, but I guess the last 12 to 14 monthis of my life. I have lost someone I loved dearly to stomach cancer, lost a horse that was the most perfect horse to some horrible disease that we were never clear on, lost another friend to cancer that I had just rediscovered and watch my parents go from being older to old and sick. Now I know I make it sound like there was nothing good during these months. There were good times and good friends and new horses and other fun things. But when you are sick in bed you tend to remember the sad things. I am not sure why that happens, but it does.
Memories are a wonderful things and they fill your heart with the good times that you shared with loved ones. But those same memories can make you sad at the same time. I miss the ones that have gone on to their next life, (both people and animal). I am very sorry to see my parents reduced to sitting at home and not being able to get out and enjoy life. Sometimes they do not even remember who I am. This is sad. The confusion on their faces when you try to help them remember is heart breaking.
I had my miniature dachshund in bed with me. Sadly she is not well and I believe most of the time she is confused about who we are and where she is. She was 14 this past July and watching her slip away is also very sad for me. Those of you who read my blog know I love animals and own several. She is my baby. She has been with me since she was 8 weeks old. She is a member of the family and I am sad thinking she might be leaving me soon.
In just a couple of months I will travel to Virginia to see my friend that passed of stomach cancer honored at a major Trail Horse event. I look forward to honoring him and know he would be thrilled to know he was being honored at such an event. This to is bittersweet. It will also be sad for me. I watched this man at this event the last 2 years and he loved it. He was in his element at events like this. He smiled constantly and was happy. Last year he had just started chemo but still managed to have a wonderful time and still smiled almost the whole time.
This will be a trail horse event. The little horse I lost was the perfect trail horse. She would go anywhere you ask her. When I see horses like her I am sad remembering her. She knew she was loved though and I was with her when she left this world.
Memories are wonderful, but often times just remembering can bring a tear of sadness. I am so grateful each one of these lives on in my heart, but they do sometimes slip out in the form of a tear and run down my cheek.