December 31, 2012

Well it is finally here. The very last day of the year 2012. Today is my one year aniversary with Sage. One whole year. 365 days. No, I will not count the hours  minutes  and seconds. One year with one horse. A really very big deal in my life. I look forward to more years with Sage. She is just the best horse in the world. My love for her grows more each day. Good Girl as I tell her all the time.
On to 2013. I must say I do look forward to putting 2012 behind me. Many of the events in this year have changed my life. I lost one of the best friends I have ever had to cancer. His brother left us 3 months later. I miss you Gerald. I miss you every day and think of you every day. I am moving forward like you said I should. Oh, by the way, you were right about Sage. She made it to one year and is a great horse. You were right. I know you would have loved hearing that. But you already know you were right and do not have to hear it. In your next life you remember and see into this life and you are smiling because you were right. Thanks for everything.
I have made new friends and grown even closer with old ones. I look forward to good times with all of them.
I am not much on New Year's resolutions because I tend to forget them after just a few days. My life has changed in the last few months and alot of it has been for the better. I have tried, (and I do say tried) to be a better person. I hope to continue with that trend. Not a resolution, just a life style change. I have tried to walk away from the drama and make things simple. It is what it is and we do what we have to do. A good friend of mine told me that and she was right. Move forward and have great memories but keep moving forward.
I have great plans for the year 2013. I hope 2013 has good things for me. I am ready to go forward.
Everyone have a wonderful day and if you are out and about tonight, please be safe. I hope 2013 has wonderful things for you as well. Thanks for reading.
Below is a picture of Sage with her family this past weekend. Sage had fun and I hope they did too.

3 days till One Year!!!!!!!

On Dec. 31 2011, Miss Sage came to live with me. In previous blogs I have written about my run of bad luck with horses. I was uncertain. I remember telling Gerald I was not sure. He told me it would be fine and this was the one. Honestly I doubted him. Well as always Gerald was right. In 3 more days Sage and I will celebrate our 1 year. It will be with mixed emotion. I am thrilled she is here and love here so much and hope for many many more aniversarys. She is happy. She has food, a place to get in from the heat and cold and she gets so much love. During our first year together we lost Gerald to cancer. It has been rough moving forward without him. But we have moved forward. He wanted us to and we have. We have made decisions without him and they were the right ones. We have found new friends to answers questions that we would have needed him for. We miss him so very bad and think of him all the time but we go on like he would want us to. Sage is just the best horse in the world and the most beautiful. I love her so very much. She loves me back. How do I know? She comes to me and puts her head on my shoulder and wants to be touched and brushed. She gives me love back. You have to be a horse person to know, but I know. Horses are smart and have great memory. She knows where she gets love from and comes to me for this. I ramble. Sorry. In three days we will celebrate our one year. One whole year! It is a really big deal. She will get a special treat and I will look to the heavens and remind Gerald it has been a year and he was right. I will not see it but he will smile because he was right. One year with one horse. Sage and I will celebrate with a ride and a good brushing and some bond time between us. Then we will ring in the new year and hope 2013 will be a much better one and continue on through our 2nd year together. One year.

The watch for 2013

The watch is on for 2013. The days count down waiting for the minutes and seconds to count down. I am looking forward to this new year. I am hoping for a much better year than 2012. On New Year's Eve of last year I was dropping off last minute mixers for a really dear friend so he could ring in the New Year with his favorite drink. He was heading out to a New Year's Eve Party with family and friends and I was heading to a seperate gathering of friends. Last year at this time I was ending my relationship with one horse that we just could not seem to communicate and getting ready to begin my relationship with Sage, the best Quarter Horse in the world. Little Ben, the best donkey in the world has not long arrived at my home and we were getting to know each other.
Life was good. Family and Friends were happy and healthy and all was well in my little world. Then in came 2012 and it all came crashing down.
Good-bye to 2012. I am glad to see you go. Surely 2013 will be kinder.
I wish everyone a Happy New Year. I look forward to seeing it come.

Santa is coming

It is Christmas Eve. Santa will be coming tonight. I hope. All is calm. I want to take this minute to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Enjoy your family and friends. Be kind to one another. Have a wonderful holiday time.

Now I understand.

Went to the funeral of a friend from long ago yesterday. The brother of G, the man I refer to often in this blog. The last time I visited with E was in September just a couple of days before G passed away. He was in from OK to see his brother and I had the opportunity to sit and visit with E for almost an hour. The first time we had seen each other in probably 15 years and as it turns out the last time we saw each other. Our visit was good. We talked about old times, told funny stories about his brother G, and just had wonderful conversation about life and our families. It was good. Our conversation drifted to his brother G and how I came to know him and become his friend. I told the story. I also shared with E how much I loved his brother and how wonderful his brother had been to me. He said he is that kind of person and he is a good boy. he actually used the word boy. E was older than G so I guess it just came natural to call him a boy. G stood way taller than his older brother but age comes before height, I suppose. I shared with E my saddness of what was happening to G and that my heart was breaking for G and his family. I also shared with him how much I would miss his brother when the time came for him to go.
E looked at me and said, "He is going to be OK, He will be alright". I told him I knew what the doctors had said and I believed them and did not think G would be OK. E looked me in the eye and said, "You don't understand what I am saying to you. He is at home now surrounded by family and friends that love him. He will get his strength from this. He will be alright. Do you understand what I am telling you?" I said I did, but I really did not understand. We had been told that G had 2 weeks to 2 months and I could see him getting worse. I just thought maybe E was in denial and did not understand. I told him I prayed for him every day and he thanked me and said he appreciated it. He told me how he was going to be OK and how his doctor had given him good news and he could go back to work next year. He then closed that part of the conversation by telling me, "If the doctor is wrong, I will still be OK"
I understand now. E was telling me that his little brother would be OK because he was going to live in heaven, and begin the next story in his life. His faith in God and his little brother was stronger than the sickness that was over taking both of them. He was ready to begin the next story in his life as well.
As I sat during the funeral yesterday I was sad. Both brothers had left this world within 3 months. How sad I feel for their sisters.
I also remembered my conversation with E the last time I saw him. They are OK and begining the next story of their lives.
I will miss them both. One of them was one of the best friends I have ever had and my heart still breaks and the other was the one that started my heart to healing by his faith and being honest with me. It took me a while to remember that conversation, but I remember now. R.I.P. and thanks to both of you. I will remember you always.
During the funeral yesterday as people spoke of the wonderful kind man I remembered our last visit. I remembered his faith that his younger brother would be OK. There was no doubt in his heart and mind about this.

Take a long walk in a new pair of boots

Today was a better day. Gift exchange at work (and I got the perfect gift) put me in a little better spirits. I had a wonderful laugh about an old memory but it was great fun remembering.
Christmas is only a few days away and I am so trying to get in a better mood.
I did read something I would like to share today that I feel applies to my life at the moment
"If you want to forget all your troubles, Take a long walk in a NEW pair of boots."
I have a new pair of boots and I just might try this. Christmas would be great from the easy chair while everyone is waiting on me.
Thanks for reading.

I am having a hard time.

I am having a hard time this Christmas. I lost someone I just thought the world of a few months ago and it seems that is all I can think about. I miss him. He has family that I know miss him and loved him so very much and I do not mean to take away from them. He and I had a great friendship and we had good times. I miss him and the good times and his kind words and all the great things we did and said for each other. Therre is not much more I can say. I miss him. This time of year I seem to be thinking of him more and more. I try not to, but everything I look at and everything I hear, suddenly there he is. Smiling at me. I just miss him. There is not much more I can say. Time heals is what everyone says. How much time? Christmas is almost here and I get more and more sad with each day. My heart hurts. I miss him so very much. I hope it gets better soon.

Christmas Shopping

I went Christmas shopping this weekend. There were lots of people out and about. I guess they were Christmas shopping also. Hard to tell. Some looked happy and some look unhappy. Went to dinner with my husband. He also went shopping with me. Dinner was nice. We did have good food and a nice time. Shopping was not that bad. I am almost done. I just have one or two more things to pick up and I can do that one day this week. Mostly gift cards. Not a big deal. Nothing to stress over. I did notice while out Christmas shopping that people seem to be spending more money this year. I hope that is a sign things are going to get better with the economy.
My tree now has more than one gift. Gifts are ready for work. Our Christmas lunch at work is this Wednesday.
I think Christmas is coming even though I had hoped it would skip me this year. Still no Christmas spirit within me though. Just not in the mood. Doing what I have to do to get by. Maybe by the weekend I will have some cheer. Maybe I will just have some egg nog and not care.
Everyone have a great day and thanks for reading.

Why?

My heart is broken over the killing of all the little children in CT. I do not understand why anyone would want to harm children. They are so innocent. It is so very sad. I feel for their families. I cannot imagine how they are feeling. Just a very sad day.
I love and hug mine way more today.
I just do not understand why?

A Christmas Present

There is a Christmas present under my Christmas tree. I guess since it is under the tree that automatically makes it a Christmas present doesn't it. Would not be a birthday present or a wedding present or any other type of present. Well anyway, I ramble. There is actually a present under my tree. I did some light shopping this week. What is light shopping. It is the type of shopping where you go out and you buy a couple of things and then you know you have to go out and buy more. I do have to go out and buy more. This weekend. But anyway, there is the present under my tree and it is wrapped in Santa wrapping paper and it looks festive and alone. I will get it some friends this weekend. I have to. Christmas is almost here. Bah Humbag. I wish we could skip it this year. I actually wish we could have skipped 2012 but that is another blog. Stay tuned. More Christmas presents to come.

Not Again

Once again, I have sad news. Gerald's brother passed away today. Not really sure what happened, but he did have cancer (a different type than Gerald). He had been getting great reports from his doctors recently so his death was really a shock. I feel so really bad for his family. Their sisters have lost both their brothers in 3 months. This is a family of great faith. A very close family. My heart really goes out to them.
I was not as close to Edward as I was Gerald, but knew him. Had a really great visit with him when I visited with Gerald the last time. We must have visited for an hour. He was like Gerald in a lot of ways, but different in many ways as well. He was a very nice guy who loved his family and friends. He loved kids. He like Gerald was a Farrier and loved working with horses.
I am sad about his passing. I love the family and and my heart goes out to them. I liked Edward. We went to school together and when I saw him in September he remembered me and we talked. I will miss him. A friend from a very long time ago that I was getting to know again. Rest In Peace my dear friend. Once again we have lost a dear friend, but heaven has gained a wonderful new angel. I will miss you.

UGH!!! Christmas shopping.

Well here we are 2 weeks before Christmas and I have just now finally started my Christmas shopping. I have already told you that I am just not in the Christmas spirit this year and that is really not any better. But I have started Christmas shopping. I purchased a few gifts yesterday. Honestly this year it is just a chore to get out and even try, but I was out most of the day yesterday. I only purchased a few things but I guess a start is a start. Normally I would be finished by the first of December, everything wrapped and enjoying the holidays. Not this year. I can see myself running around on Christmas Eve trying to buy last minute gifts. I am going to try and go out this coming weekend and just finish up. Just buy a gift and move on. It's just a gift and no one likes what you get anyway so buy something and move on. How is that for Christmas spirit. I am sorry I just cannot help it this year. I know it will get better. Won't it?
I can say I am really looking at gift cards. The perfect gift. Buy the damn thing and go on. Get Christmas behind us and move on to 2013, where it has to get better. Right???
Did I mention that I found out I have another dear friend with cancer and it is not good. Sorry, but I just had to throw that one out there. You will be hearing about it lots so you might as well know now.
Everyone have a wonderful day and thanks for reading. I promise I will write something cheerful very soon. Maybe.

The Christmas Mini Queen

Well Miss Skylar was in a Christmas pageant over the weekend. She got to ride in the local parade and compete for the title of Little Miss Merry Christmas. I thought her dress said Little Miss Merry Christmas just fine and we practiced and practiced answer random question and out wave to the crowd and all that you think little girls will have to do in a local pageant. Well guess what, we did not win. We did not even place. Now I am really trying hard not to be a pageant Mom, but I thought my contestant was the best one. The judges must have been having a really bad night. Although I do suspect that the winning little girl's Mom does feel the same way I do, but does this really matter. Mine was the best. This I am certain. :)  Sky was disappointed she did not win. She got a little trophy for competing, so I told her to smile and be happy and we will come back next year and get them.
Well she has a really nice Christmas dress this year and some a new experience to talk about and remember.
Thank for reading and everyone have a great day.

Christmas Countdown

The countdown is on to Christmas. Presents need to be purchased, meals planned, presents wrapped, cards addressed and many other things. I have not been in the Christmas spirit at all this year. I really just wish it would go away. I have a tree up but the decoration are just plain awful and I look at it each and every day and think about taking it down. There are no presents under the tree because I have not purchased any. I have Christmas cards still in the package on my kitchen table, but still have to open the package, write in them, address them and mail them. I just do not see it happening this year. We have started receiving Christmas Cards in the mail and they are beautiful and very appreciated, but I do not think I will mail any this year. I just cannot seem to get in the mood. We had Merry Christmas pagent practice last night for Skylar. She did wonderful. I did manage to get her a very pretty Christmas dress with new stocking and shoes and hairbows. She is very pretty in this and I am sure there will be pictures later for you to see. Maybe the little pagent will help me into the Christmas spirit. I just don't see it happening. Mostly the pagent is alot of hurry up and wait and hold your breath because you do not know what they are going to say to the judges. Stress is what is is causing me, not Christmas spirit. I even watched "It's a Wonderful Life" but that did nothing for me. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday but this year it is turning out to be a stressful time and no comfort and joy to be found. I have got to do better and look for this Holiday spirit. I wonder: can you buy it at Wal-Mart? Maybe a more upscale store like Macy's will have it.
Everyone have a wonderful day and if you know where I can find this Christmas Spirit please leave me a message. I must get in the Christmas Spirit soon.
Thanks for reading. Ho Ho Ho and Bah Humbag all in one visit. Have a great day.

Now everyone is happy.

Making my Dad happy.

Well, I am Daddy's girl. I have always been Daddy's girl and I really do not plan on changing that anytime soon. I have wanted a new pair of boots for some time now. My others have gotten so large on my feet, due to weight loss, that I have to wear 3 pair of socks and they still rub blisters on my feet. This year at Thanksgiving my Dad tried to give me the money for a new pair. I declined his offer. Not because he did not have the money, I have just never really liked having him buy me things for no reason. ( Like Birthdays or Christmas or things like that) He made the offer again a couple of days ago when I went with him to the doctor. Once again I declined his offer. I talked with my husband about this and my husband told me that I should let my father buy me these boots. He said it is OK to be gracious in receiving as well as giving and he thought my Dad really wanted to do this. After some serious thought I called my Dad today and told him that if he wanted to purchase these boots for me I would accept his offer. He said he was very glad because he really wanted to purchase them for me. He actually seemed excited that I was going to let him buy this gift for me.
I think I made my Daddy happy. As a little girl, seeing Daddy smile and laugh was a great joy. As I have grown into an adult I love my Dad so very much but taking care of him and my mother was what I focused on. Taking money from them just did not seem like the right thing to do. Today I made my Daddy happy. Only because I let him buy me something that he knew I wanted. Easy to do. I do not know why it has been so hard for me to do this in the past.  I am glad he is happy and I will love the new boots.
It has been a good day.
Thanks for reading and everyone be nice to each other.

This is Little Ben, our donkey. He has been invited to 3 different manger scenes this Christmas season. They do not just want him to visit, they want him to be part of the scene. He has declined all 3 offers, but said "Thank-You" to each of them. He does not travel well. He does not lead and will push a little, but not all that well. He will not load on a trailer at all. When he arrived here from Virginia last year, as a Christmas gift for my husband, getting him into the pasture was a major deal. It took Gerald and myself 20 minutes just to get him out of trailer and across the country road and into the pasture. Gerald was doing about 90% of the work and barking out directions at me on how to do the other 10%. At the time it was not funny, but looking back, it does seem funny now. Anyway, I ramble, Ben does not travel from our pasture. He appreciates the invitations, but just does not want to be part a Christmas pageant. I am not even sure what religion he is. He is a great donkey though. Gotta love him.

Santa

About 30 minutes from out home is a Farm Park attraction that has a small old fashioned town with a steam train that travels around the little Farm Park. About a 30 minute ride. We took Sky last night. The train was covered in Christmas Lights and the whole little Farm Park had lights and Christmas Carols and Hay rides and Train rides. It was chilly out, about 35 degrees, so lots of hot chocolate was served, along with Gingerbread men. It was a fun time and Sky had a blast. Not too crowded, so very short lines, which is always better with a child. The jolly old elf himself comes down from the North Pole each Saturday night for this event. He said his reindeer were in the forest behind the Farm Park where they could graze while he greeted the children. The Farm Park sets up a special little log cabin for Santa so he will stay warm and the children can have their picture made with him without coats. Mrs. Claus came with him this year and she was wonderful. The Farm Park sets up a really beautiful Christmas Tree for Santa. It was a fun night. We rode the train, had gingerbread, looked at the beautiful lights and listened to carols. Oh and there was a small petting zoo with a donkey and goats and sheep. That was one of my favorite parts. Santa was really wonderful. Really!!!!  Along the train ride were elves, Christmas lights, and one part where the train stopped and you can here the Christmas Story. Fun for not too much money. Sky had a blast and I must admit, I had fun too. Dress for cold weather because most of the fun is outside, but so worth it. Christmas is about children and this one was so much fun and Sky had a great time. Merry Christmas.

Some people never learn

Black Friday is here. People are out shopping, trying to get the best deals. I am getting ready to go to work. I am not much of a Black Friday shopper. I will not fight someone over $1.50 towels. Good luck to those who brave the sales and I wish for you a safe shopping experience.
Over this Holiday I have discovered something. Some people never learn. They continue with the same stupid behavior every time they are presented with the opportunity and it always ends with the same bad results each and every time. Because of the pending court battles I cannot name names, but if you play by the rules things always work out better. But no, when you think the rules apply to everyone but yourself, then things go terrible wrong and something bad happens, how in the world can you stand around and question why this happens. Child custody battles are the worst. The child always looses and the parents usually end up with bitter feelings, less money, richer lawyers, and short tempers. Just follow the rules. Take what you are given and enjoy it. If you do not abuse it you might get more next time. when you try to change the rules because you think they do not apply to you and cause problems then how can you even ask why things are the way they are. You are told you may visit for 3 or 4 hours, you show up 2 hours late for pick-up, then you call and announce you are keeping them for the entire weekend when it is not your weekend. Well guess what, problems. Then you broke the rules and you stand around and point a finger like it is everyone else fault.
I know I am talking in circles and I am sure everyone knows I have a reason for this blog. I will get off my soapbox for now, but I promise you, this has not ended and there will be more to write about. Unfortunately, in this situation, there is always more to write about. Some people do the same stupid things each and every time and then cry because it backfires on them. Grow up, take responsibility, follow the rules, they apply to everyone and although it is really hard for you to understand, the world really does not revolve around you. Grow up or go away. Seriously.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving. Remember to tell the ones you love today that you do love them. Enjoy.

LOVE of a Horse

This says LOVE to me in ways so many will never understand.  If you read my blog you already know this is Sage, my horse. You also know Sage was a gift from a friend who I loved dearly and left this world in September, as a result of stomach cancer. I love this horse. Words cannot describe the love I feel for her. She loves me back. Yesterday Sage had colic. If you know horses, colic is bad. I lost a horse to this once. I wrote recently in this blog about how Sage and I had a 1 year aniversary coming up. Well friends, I did not think we would see this aniversary. She want down to roll and I made her get up. We walked for hours. Walking is what you do with a horse. Rolling is very bad. Finally I begin to see signs that Sage was coming out of it. I was so very grateful. She is much better today and I am hoping all will be well. I love this picture of Sage. Horses tell so much with their eyes. They are big and soulful. Sage has beautiful brown eyes. With these beautiful eyes she can tell me she loves me or that something is wrong. In the picture above I see love and trust. That is enough.

Thankful for family and friends that have left this world.

Thanksgiving is next week. A time to be thankful for all the wonderful things we have in our lives. I would like to take a minute to be thankful for the family and friends that have made my life wonderful, but have gone on to their next life without me.
First, my grandmother. I called her Nanny. She was a wonderful lady with the most loving heart. I was her first grandchild. As a child, she often kept me so my parents could work. She loved and spoiled me so much.  I would stay with her often times on weekends and she would always make me pancakes for breakfast. Her pancakes were like cake, thick and fluffy. To this day that is the only way I will eat pancakes. The thin rubbery ones are just not in the same league. Her life was the example that we all could learn from. She had kind words for everyone and was so very sweet. Her eyes would light up when I entered a room. I remember that and miss it all the time now. Someone that was always glad to see you and showed it every time they saw you. One of the funniest stories I remember about her was on one of her birthdays. I believe she was going to be 85 years of age. We contacted the office of President of the United States and requested a birthday card be mailed to her. Really thought she would get such a thrill out of getting a birthday card from the President. Well the card came right on her birthday. I ask her did she get anything special for her birthday. She said well I got a card from the President. I said Wow what a big deal Nanny. A birthday card from the President of the United States. She said, and I quote,  "Well it would be so much better if her were a democrat instead of a stupid republican".  I have never forgotten that.
Her last months were spent in a nursing home. I visited very often. The last Christmas I was in her room putting her up a little Christmas Tree. She was sitting in her chair, watching me and sleeping part of the time. When I was finished, (now know I had been there at least 2 hours) she woke up and said, well Renee, when did you get here. I had to laugh. She lived to be 93 years of age and I know heaven became a brighter place when she arrived. I think of her so often.
Another wonderful lady that has gone on will be Aunt Evelyn. This was my Mom's sister and a lady that truly loved life. She always had something to laugh about and always made everyone feel better by using that laughter. She lived not too very far away from us when I was a child, but later she and her family moved about an hour away from us. We visited maybe once a month. Her home was always busy with kids, (her own and her children's friends). Everyone loved her. This lady taught me how to tie a shoe and to this day I still tie my shows backwards because Aunt Evelyn was left handed. Every time I tie a shoe I think of her.
I will forever remember Rachel (Sissy). This wonderful lady came into my life by way of my first husband. This was his aunt, but she became my aunt. Even after the marriage fell apart this special lady still called me a member of the family and treated me as such. She had kind words for everyone and her home and arms were always open. Divorce usually brings out the worst in families, but this lady did not allow that to happen in her home. When I would see her she always had a terrific smile and a huge hug for me. She gave me some advice that I have found to be more true than most advice you get. After my first marriage fell apart I began dating the man that would be my second husband. She saw us out shopping in a local town and we were holding hands and really into each other. She said to me, "Sweetheart, I hope the two of you can have intelligent conversation, because this lovey dovey stuff will wear out and you will need to be able to talk with each other". How very wise she was, this wonderful special lady.
One of Rachel son's was also very special to me. I did not spend a lot of time around Robert, but I did see him from time to time and he was always friendly and had a hug for me. Later in his life he moved back to the small town where his mother lived. I saw him more frequently. Every time he had a huge smile and hug for me with the words, "Hello Renee, how are you? I love you." Now folks, I could see him twice in one week or go 6 months and then see him, but I had the same greeting each time. This greeting came from his heart. He had the greatest smile. When he smiled at me I felt like he was really glad to see me. A genuine smile, not one that we often put on when we run into people we do not see often. Robert developed colon cancer and his time was short. He did not want visitors at the last, but I was able to send a note telling him how much he meant to me. I know he got it and read it. His nephew made a point to tell me he read it and smiled.
Last but in no way least is the man who made such a great impact on my life in the few short years we knew each other. Gerald. I really only knew Gerald really well about 6 years. In 6 years we shared the death of 2 of my horses, the betrayal of a friend that claimed to be both our friends but turned on both of us at the same time in a big way, the purchasing of new horses, and a friendship that will go with me forever. I have already dedicated an entire blog to this man and friends I could write many more. Most likely will write about him many more times. He told me once he tried to treat everyone like he hoped they would treat him back. It did not always work out the way he hoped, but he still tried to do that. The way he treated me changed the way I try to treat other people in my life. Once after once of my horses died he came and picked up my second horse and took this horse home with him to work with her and train her. I told him I could not afford this at that time because of the huge vet bills trying to save my other horse. He told me he was doing this for me for free. I began to cry and he said don't cry, that is what real friends do for each other. A real friend. We were very real friends right up until cancer took him from this world and a better friend I could not have ask for.
I am thankful for all of these people and many more. I just wanted to mentioned how thankful I am for the ones that have gone on to the next life and left me behind. I look forward to seeing each and everyone of them one day. It will be a good day.

I am running away from home

Saw this on FaceBook this week,  "As adults we think about running away from home way more often than we ever did as a child"
Giving the credit to FaceBook, now I can say, I am running away from home. I realized this only this morning when I am standing, staring into the refrigerator, where there is no juice, while a 5 1/2 year old is crying behind me because she needs to take medicine and there is no juice, and a 50 year old male, is behind her fussing because something did not get done, that apparently he thought I was responsible for and a small miniature dachshund is walking on my feet because she is old and confused, and my cell phone is making a sound telling me someone else wants something at 6 in the morning. (Please do not write me and tell me this sentence is way too long because I already know this. When you are running away I do not think the length of your sentences really is a factor)
Stress. That could be the word. It has been a stressful week. Work has had many problems, (the wonders of computers) the husband half of my home has had PMS all week. (and I know he would say the same about me, but this is my story and I can tell it any way I want) the 5 year old has not been very well and needs to go back to the doctor, (translation, she has whined all week), the aged mini dachshund has really been confused all week (she will not sleep at night but sleeps all day). My parents are at it again, (too many things to tell on that one)and someone wants the Christmas Tree up and does not understand I need help getting decorations out of my attic.
OK I admit it, I am whining. I want to run away. Not to be gone forever, but just for a short time so I can just have a little stress free time. It should only take about 5 years for me to calm down and feel better.
So, I am running away from home. I really doubt they will look for me. Oh yes they will. The toilet paper will run out in the bathroom and they cannot find the extra rolls in the bathroom closet without me.
Everyone have a great day.

Christmas, Bah, Humbug

Christmas has always been my favorite Holiday. I love the decorations, carols, cards, and all around good cheer that seems to go with the holiday. It is a fun time. I love the decorating, and then having friends over to enjoy good times.
I am just not into it this year. I do not know what is wrong with me. Sky has been begging to put up the Christmas tree. My neighbors have already decorated outside, so I am guessing they have decorated inside as well. Stores are in full Holiday mood. But yours truely is just not into it. I was thinking about crawling under a rock until the holiday is over and then coming out, but not really a good idea. Goes back to the I do not like cold blog.
I have done very little shopping and really do not want to do any of it. Everyone on my list this year I already know is going to be disappointed. Normally I have all my cards addressed and ready to mail right after Thanksgiving. They are still in the package and I am thinking they might stay there. Might ask my dear friend to come and write them for me. She can put something extra special in hers.
I usually get pictures ready to send to family and friends of the family and all the animals. Normally the animals have to wear something that makes them look like they are in the holiday spirit, even though most times the animals really do not want to wear this. Not happening this year. The animals are having a great holiday!
I wish I knew what was wrong. Really not like me. I was kinda hoping the calendars would skip Christmas this year, but I looked and there it is, on the same day as last year.
Anyone got any ideas on what I need to do to snap out of it. I guess Christmas is going to come anyway, so I should try and enjoy it. I really believe I will start looking for a large rock. I think I saw one at the edge of horse pasture, so I will go and check it out. Will someone please come and decorate my house for me. UGH. Christmas, Bah, Humbug!

I am cold

I am cold. I was cold at work all day yesterday, came home and the house was cold, the bed was cold all night, the house is still cold, and I really bet it is still cold at work. Well I would tell you I have whined out about it, but actually, that is not even close to being true.
I do not like cold. I would much rather it be warm or hot. You can always take off some clothes to cool off, but it is like there is never enough to keep you warm. I don't care for snow. Sure I love a warm fire and hot chocolate, but would just rather skip the snow and cold weather to have them.
As a child, snow was exciting. A different kind of play and fun. We do not get much of it where I live, so when it comes, everyone gets excited. People take off to the grocery store. They have to have milk and bread just as soon as the first flake falls.
I just do not like being cold. Moving to a warmer area has always been in my mind somewhere. I think about it mostly during December, January, and February. After that it begins to leave my mind and generally does not come back until the following year. This year the thought arrived in November. I am worried. If I am cold in November, my concerned is that the following months will be even colder. A hard winter with cold rain, ice and snow. UGH. I like last winter really well. Very mild temps and green pasture grass all year. Unfortunately, the bugs like it also. They thrived in it and really came out in huge numbers this past summer. I am sure they are cold now too. That could be a good thing.
Well I have made my point. I do not like being cold. I have this really bad feeling that cold is what I will be for a few months. Can thermal underwear be sexy. Looks like I am about to break it out.
Everyone have a wonderful day  and thanks for reading. Stay warm.

Making the heart and mind want the same things

Good Morning. Took the horse out again yesterday. Not the most successful ride, but since no one came out of the saddle and got hurt, all in all in was a good day. Maybe. I say that because I am wondering if I really want to do this. My heart says I do, but other parts of me are just not sure anymore. I think my brain is still asking "What are you doing" I love my horse very much and my horse loves me back. This I am certain of. My horse does not want to go riding and this is causing confusion. In my heart I want to saddle up, ride off in the sunset, and enjoy the wonderful outdoors. In my mind I continue to be torn. How do I get my heart and mind on the same path. I know it can be done because I have gotten both of them to want the same things many times in my life. I am not one for defeat. Usually if I want something reasonable, I go after it and get it. I have been know to go after it and get it even if what I wanted was unreasonable. I do not understand the problem now. Age, maybe, but I really do not think so. Determination has never been something I have been lacking in. Some call it stubborn, but I like to think it is just my way of going after and getting what I want. The confusion is my heart want to be a cowboy and my mind keeps saying, what are you doing? I have had some minor injuries from previous horses, but nothing really bad. Broken ribs and a hurt shoulder that still reminds me on rainy days that it does not like horses. Both of these bad experiences came back to back with different horses; and neither was with the horse I own now. Sage has never really done anything to hurt me that she meant to do. Horses are large animals and accidents happen often times just because either you or the horse moved at the wrong time.
I have always been one to follow my heart, and there have been times when my heart flat out lied to me and led me astray. But mostly I still follow my heart. Usually my mind just gets in line and goes along. This time my mind is fighting my heart all the way. The confusion this creates is causing communication problems with the horse. Horses can sense when you are scared, confused, or unsure. This causes them to react the same way you are feeling. Then accidents happen. I need to get my mind to go along this time. Maybe I need to be hypnotized or something. My mind must shape up. I have been known to do stupid things and make folds think I have lost my mind, but time to shape up here. Get in line mind and follow my heart. I must stop the confusion and saddle up and ride off into the sunset.
Have a great day and thanks for reading.

Happy Happy Joy Joy (I did it)

This is a picture of me sitting on Sage taken yesterday. This picture was not taken 6 months ago or 1 year ago, but yesterday. My new traineer came and we had a really great time and we are going to ride again today. So yes, this IS a picture of me sitting on my horse that was taken yesterday and I love it. I have put the big girl panties back on and getting back in the saddle. No more feeling sorry for myself and have so much self-pity about something I cannot change. Moving on. Happy Happy Joy Joy. Side thought: Memories are a very wonderful thing and something no one can take from you. Moving on is wonderful too! Let's ride.

Veteran's Day

Veteran's Day is here. My son served in the Air National Guard shortly after 9-11. I remember how sad I was as I watched his plane leave the base. A day I have never forgotten. I can relive it in my memory just as it was happening today. I can also relive the day he returned. He was in the Middle East for a few months and a war was going on. People were trying to hurt my child. It was a bad time for me. I tell that simple stroy to lead up to this. So many mothers, wives, brothers and sisters, parents, children and husbands have lived through what I lived through. It is not easy. So many of them do not have the wonderful memory of the return of their loved one. Everyone must make a sacrifice that is involved with the military. Many have made the biggest sacrifice of all and gave their lives defending the freedom we as American's enjoy. A freedom we all take for granted.
I saw something on Facebook just this week. It said: People who are wearing helments defending our country should make more money that people wearing helments defending a football.
We need to be more grateful to our men and women of our military groups. They make great sacrifices every day so we can live like we do. Take the time this weekend to say "Thank-You to a veteran and let them know that we do appreciate everything they do and all the sacrifices they make for us.
Everyone had a good long weekend and be kind to someone. Just smile at them. Thanks for reading.

It Has Almost Been a Year!!!!

If you read my blog you already know this is Sage and myself. This picture was taken just a couple of days ago. Amazing as it may seem, the 1 year aniversary of the day Sage came to live at my home is fast approaching. It will be a very big day. This day looms very large in my life. My luck with horses has not been the very best. Actually it has been really bad. I wrote about my first horse, Pepper and how with this horse I came to meet one of the best friends I have ever had, Gerald. I wrote about how after a very short time I had to put this horse down due to colic. I told of how Gerald found me another horse. This horse I also had to put down after a very short time. I could not believe my luck. Even Gerald said to me, "Honey you are just having rotten luck. I can't believe it."  Well my luck continued to go from bad to worse, with 2 more horses. They survived, but my luck was bad. The first one launched me like a torpedo one afternoon and I had a trip to the emergency. She had to go. She was replaced with a beautiful Quarter Horse Gelding that I loved. He was a little nervous in his new home and one afternoon shot out from under me in a panic and I came off, breaking 2 ribs. I was so discouraged. Really people, you could not imagine how down I was. Well, in December, here comes Gerald pulling up to my barn with what he said he thought would be a good horse for me. Quarter Horse Mare was what he said. There is a story behind this that I will save for a later blog, but he unloaded this beautiful chestnut mare and told me her name was Sage. I still had broken ribs, but nothing would do I had to get on her that day. Friends, I was scared to death. I was. Gerald led me around on this horse and then he rode her around for me, showing me how great she was. He left her with me and said to let my ribs heal and he would be back in a couple of weeks and we would ride again. I remember looking at this horse and saying to her, "Honey if I keep you, you will be dead in less than 6 months." Sage and I spent a few months getting to know each other. I rode her some and brushed her and loved on her. Finally I decided she was the one and we would be friends. Two weeks before the 6 month aniversary I almost held my breath constantly. 6 months came and went and one week later I called Gerald and told him I had made it past 6 months. By this time Gerald was sick, (as I have also wrote about in a previous blog). He did not feel very well that day, but he did say to me, "I told you your luck would change." As Gerald illness gradually got worse I begin to worry that I might lose him. My love for Sage grew more and more with each day. We rode some, but not as much as we should, but it was still good. Early in the Fall the news came that Gerald would not survive his illness and would leave this world very soon. I went to the barn and Sage was in the barn waiting. I cried into her mane for the longest time. The horse he had told me would be the one was waiting on me to comfort me when I was loosing the one person who had supported me and taught me and guided me through all of my horse trials. He was right and she was the one. He was always right when it came to horses. I lost Gerald, but this wonderful horse is still with me. Our 1 year aniversary is fast approaching. One year. If my luck holds for just a few more weeks, I will have owned a horse for an entire year. Such a small statement, but one that means so very much to me. The countdown is on Gerald. I am once again holding my breath while I wait for this date. I feel in my heart Sage and I will make this aniversary date and there will be more to come afterwards. She is the one. Thanks for all you did for me getting me to this day and thanks for the horse that will celebrate this date with me. But I promise my eyes will look to heaven on that day and say a Thank You to you for all of it. One Year. My life had changed so much in this one year. Good and Bad, Happiness and Sadness, Joy and Sorrow. One Year. Holding my breath and waiting. We are going to be OK.

Making new friends

I have been given a wonderful opportunity the last few weeks. I have made some new friends. Making new friends is an exciting time for me. I do not trust easily so I approach everything with great caution. But a couple of things have happen in the last few weeks that make me hopeful that I have a few new friends. I really do have trust issues. I have a funny story about my very best friend in the whole entire world. I love her so very much and she is means more to me than she will ever know. When I first met her I really did not trust her and could almost say I was not sure I even liked her. She came to my parents house as my brother's date. She was slightly older than him, and he was only 18 at the time. I am normally not one to make age an issue, but there was something that I just did not approve of. Not even sure it was the age, but something. I expressed my concern to my mother who just thought she was wonderful and so things progressed forward. Well after a few months my brother announced they were going to be married. I still did not think this was a good idea. I had found her to be a nice enough person and kind and all the things that were good, but did not have a good feeling about the marriage. Just one of those things you cannot explain. Well anyway they married and she and I got to know each other. The more time I spent around her the more I liked her. We really began to hit it off. Honestly I do not remember how many years, but maybe 4 or 5, the marriage begin to crumble. As things like this happen, I tried very hard to remain neutral. Really hard when one of the parties is your brother. They divorced but I remained very good friends with her. The friendship continued to grow and folks still grows to this day, many years later. She is the most wonderful friend anyone could ever ask for. We have great times together and love each other very much. We have both changed and evolved in our lives but always been there for each other. She has remarried and gone on with her life and I stood up for her at this wedding. We are just always there for each other through good and bad. She has the best shoulder to cry on that I have ever used and hope will always be there. I do my very best to give her one as well. We just plain old enjoy each other and laugh and have a great time. And it never gets old. I love her.
I tell this story to say this. If you do not give people a chance you might miss out on a wonderful friendship. I am so grateful I did not close my heart and mind to her when I first met her like I was tempted to do. Look at what I would have missed out on. Something wonderful that has brought so many great things into my life.
I have made some new friends in the last few weeks and I really hope they grow into better friendships.
It is an exciting time.
Smile at someone today and you might make a new friend.
Everyone have a really wonderful day and thanks for reading.

Election

Today is election. Please go out and vote. We live in a country where we have the freedom to elect our goverment officials, so please go out today and do this. How many times have we all heard, if you do not vote, then do not complain about how things are done. I know we all have heard it and many have even said it, but it is somewhat true.
Be an American today and travel to the Polls and vote for the person (s) of your choice.
Everyone have a wonderful day and thanks for reading.

Seriously????

I will never understand people. Honestly. The more you find out the more you really want to say, What were you thinking?  I know the answer. They were thinking they would never get found out and would not have to explain their actions. Whatever happen to ethics and old fashiond loyalty to a loved one or friend. I will not go into detail about what I have found out, but sadly I have found out something really disturbing about a friend and it really bothers me. I guess I am old fashioned but I really believe when you call yourself someone's friend you owe them a certain about of loyalty and behavior. No cheating or lying or doing things that would damage the friendship. Why bother to be a friend if you are not going to behave in such a way that you would be ashamed if anyone found out. I also believe you must consider others feelings and life when you make some decisions. It is OK to think of yourself but to be totally self-centered is way beyond acceptable.
I will not get on my soapbox today but I just want to say this: Friendship is a very wonderful thing. To have someone who is truely a friend is a great gift. Why would you every do anything do damage this? I will never understand.
Everyone have a great Monday and tell your friend that you value them and mean it and act like it.
Thanks for reading.

November the month of Thanks

A friend of mine that also writes a blog uses all the days of November to write about things she is thankful for. Great idea. I have many things to be thankful for, but will not copy her and write about them each day. I did see something once that said, What would you do if you woke up this morning with only the things you thanked God for yesterday. Interesting statement. Watched a movie many years ago, and really do not remember the name, but the theme was, Would you give up everything you ever had for everything you ever wanted. I do remember in the movie the guy thought this was great until it happen and he realized his life had not been that bad after all. All the things he thought he wanted meant he had to give up all the wonderful things he had. It really changed his life.
Many years ago there was an accident that almost took my father's life. This accident happen in early October, but my Dad survived and was at the table for Thanksgiving. My grandmother was alive then and my Dad's sister was also there for Thanksgiving dinner. She said let's all go around the table and say what we are thankful for today. Honestly I do not remember what everyone was thankful for on that Thanksgiving day, but we were all thankful for my Dad to be there with us. There have been many changes in my life since that Thanksgiving day so many years ago. Many. I will not write about all of them, but trust me on this one, there are so many it would take me a very long time to tell you about each of them.
As we grow older we become more and more thankful for small things we took for granted in our young life. As loved ones pass and go on to their next life, we appreciate the time we have with the ones we still have. We are thankful for true and honest friends. We are thankful for lessons learned about life and love and honesty.
During great saddness I have learned to be thankful for the time I had with someone and try not to dwell on the fact that they are gone. I have learned that replacing the hurt in your heart for that person with fond memories is a great thing.
As my parents grow older and their health gets worse I am thankful for the memories of my childhood and healthier times for them.
I am thankful for new found friends and have learned not to take them for granted. Really thankful for old friends and espically the one I love so dearly that is like a sister to me. She has often been the rock I leaned on when I thought I was going to just fall over from despair.
November is here and it is the month of giving thanks. Take a moment and look around you. Be thankful for what you have. Someone is out there wishing they had just half of what you have.
Open your heart to new friends that are sincere and open your mind to new thoughts that will make you happy. Be kind to someone. Be thankful.
Thank you to everyone who reads the ramblings I write and I hope each of you have a great weekend. Smile at someone and mean it this weekend.

The Morning After

Halloween was a huge success this year. We are judging success on the amount of candy that was brought home. From Trick or Treating at school, my work, and then the trip into the night, I think I have 5 lbs of candy in my house. Now, this year we got lots of the good stuff. Great for Sky, but bad for me. This means I have to turn on extra will power to stay out of it. Hopefully, the ones I really love will be gone soon and it will not be too hard to stay out of the other.
Trick or Treating this year was unique. We encountered a very scarey clown. Sky does not like clowns anyway, but this one really scared her. We saw the Cat in the Hat, but Thing 1 and Thing 2 were not there. I really think I saw about 25 Spidermen. A wearwolf with orange hair was out on the prowl. We saw a policeman. I think he might have been a real policeman, but was not sure. The gun looked real. A few houses had tunnels set up where Sky had to walk down to get candy. She walked right on in before I could check out the situation. Oh, we also saw a Giant Queen Bee. She was very friendly. I even saw a box walking down the opposite side of the street. It had hands, so I felt comfortable with a walking box. Even Dorothy and ToTo was out and about. We also saw 5 or 6 little mermaids and maybe 100 SpongeBob. Pretty eventful night.
Now the count down to Thanksgiving. Mixed feelings this year, but more on that one later. Everyone have a great day and thanks for reading.

Happy Halloween !

Hurricane Sandy

Thoughts and Prayers going out to everyone affected by Hurricane Sandy. Wow what a huge storm. She has really caused a lot of damage up the east coast. Everyone please take care and be safe.

People are confused, or confusing, or just plain ole crazy.

The Halloween costume search was a huge success and we are ready to go around the neighborhood and beg for candy. It should be a great night.
People are confusing. One minute they seem to be your friend and the next minute they will not even talk with you. Explain please why you are fickle, rude, disrespectful, and a snob. I could say other things, but better to leave it alone. Kindness is a wonderful thing and a dear friend of mine once told me he tried really hard to treat people the way he hoped they would treat him in return. This worked well for him so I have taken his advice and I try to do this. Honestly, I am not always successful, but I do try. Often just a smile will say more than words. Some people just cannot be nice and have the tendancy to just be awful when they think the world is not revolving around them. I happen to know a few of these people. Actually, I happen to know them very well. Perhaps better than I would like. Enough of rambling. I just cannot understand why it is so hard for some people to just be nice. Why must they go about their life treating people the way they do. A mystery I must say. Well it is their life and if they want to be as_holes they have every right to do so. I guess I should just treat them the way they treat me. Well I am not. But I am going to just ignore them and pretend like they do not exist. At least I will be one less person they will have to be rude to.
I have vented and my soapbox is back in the closet. For now. Halloween photos later. Everyone have a wonderful day and if you are in the north east, I hope the hurricane avoids you. Thanks for reading.

Picking a Halloween Costume.

Halloween is just a few days away and we have not picked a Halloween costume. Skylar has been shopping and looking and shopping and looking and ............................Well I could just go on and on. Little Skylar, precious child that she is, cannot make up her mind. She is so indecisive, you just would not believe. We have all tried with this child, but she just cannot make up her mind. I thought we had a winner yesterday, with a really cute sparkly witch costume with shoes to match, and got all the way to the front of the store with it, and she changed her mind. I told one lady with the same problem in the store that I hated Halloween. She said she did also. When I was a child, my parents painted out face with something and we would put on old clothes and off we would go. I do not think I owned a store bought Halloween costume until I was an adult and could pay for it myself. I just do not understand why it is so hard. I must assume it is because there is way too much to choose from. Everything looks really cool and it is just so hard to pick. Or I guess it could be that the female gene of finding it hard to pick the perfect thing to wear has already hit the little child and she is doomed for life. Either way, we are off to the city today for some shopping. While there we will pick a Halloween costume of some kind, if I have to pick myself. While we are there, the weather says we will be having strong winds from the Hurricance Sandy. Just what I need. Halloween shopping in a Hurricane. Who would have ever thought.

The Vet was here

The vet has come and gone on our little farm. Sage and Ben got all their vaccinations and are ready for the winter to come. We are hoping for a mild winter, but there are signs it might not be. By signs I mean superstitions that have been passed down through many generations. Once again I ramble, but that would certainly be a great topic to write on. Vaccinations are very important. Animals can get sick quickly and I live in a very rural area, so my vet takes a while to get to my farm. The peace of mind with these vaccinations is worth it to me. I has a really bad experience and lost a wonderful horse because I assumed she had been vaccinated and found out the hard way she had not. They should be good for sickness through this winter and we will be hoping and praying for no injuries. Although we love out vet, we really do not want to see her too often.
Oh and Sage did get her pregnancy exam. NO Baby. Yea!! The vet said her symptoms were most likely hormone issues due to her age. This is really great news for both her and Ben. Sage is not going to have a baby and Ben will not have to be operated on, which is really great news for Ben.
Everyone have a wonderful weekend. Thanks for reading.

Really Cool Picture.

My husband took this really cool picture of Ben our little donkey yesterday with his cell phone. I thought it was very cool. One of my friend said on FaceBook that it look like Ben could be the Jesus donkey. Well hey, just maybe. Anyway, I loved the picture and wanted to share with everyone. Tomorrow morning we find out if Ben is going to be a Daddy. I hope everyone has a really wonderful day.

Ben, my little Buddy (What an Ass)

This is  Ben, my Silver Jerusalem donkey. He has a cross on his back. There are many stories about how he got the cross on his back and all of them involve Christ. This is the donkey that carried Mary to Bethlehem. Well maybe not this exact donkey, but we will not rule anything out. I explained in a previous post how I come to own Ben. He seems to be a happy and content little donkey now. He has plenty of food and water and a friend to keep him company. He also gets lots of love and brushing and scratching from me and my family. He seems to enjoy his new life. Ben is a Jack, which only means he is a boy donkey. He is a boy donkey with all of the proper equipment that a boy should have. That is part of my problem. We think he used this equipment to help Sage (my large Quarter Horse) become with foal. (If the Vet Check says she is going to have a baby it will actually be a little mule) Now, Ben has a wonderful personality. I mentioned in a previous post how great he was and I believe him to be the best donkey in the world. The friend I got Ben from chose well when he picked him. He is easy going and very gentle. We do not ride Ben, but that was never in the plan. I wanted a baby donkey from Ben in hopes it would have his same wonderful personality. Now things have changed. If my horse is expecting from Ben, I will have my baby, but it will be a mule, not a donkey. This is my situation: When I got a successful baby from Ben, I was going to castrate him, so as not to worry about his personality in the future. Donkey experts say that Jack get moody and hard to get along with as they get older unless they are cut. Ben is 9 years old, so getting cut should be in his near future. (not that he will like this, but it is life) I really did not want a baby with the horse and donkey. I wanted a baby donkey. But life does give us surprises and lordy was this one. Do we go ahead and cut Ben and be happy with a baby mule or do we take the chance and try for a donkey later, knowing he could be with my horse again? This is a hard decision. I really want to go ahead and cut him, but hate that I cannot get a baby donkey with his wonderful personality. I do not want another baby by him with my horse. This was unexpected and really hoping does not happen again. I could seperate them in the pasture, but Ben does not do well when apart from the horse. They have become great friends and he really wants to be with her.
What do I do. I am going to talk with the vet about it on Friday and we will make some decisions. I am really torn about this. What should I do. Any suggestions from my readers.

Vet Check

Well Sage is having her Vet Check in a couple of days. When I called to make the appointment, I was told they do an ultrasound. Wow, imaging, an ultrasound. Will I get a picture like humans do? If there is a baby, will I get to see it moving around? I have so many questions. I will report back later as to what the vet discovers. Let's pray for good news involving my big girl.
Everyone have a great day. Thanks for reading.

I am scared.

I do not know who, if anyone reads my blog. They are my ramblings and I ramble about what I want to ramble about. It's why it is my blog. All of the signs are there that my horse Sage is pregnant. So pregnant that she might deliver in the next 2 or 3 weeks. How so you ask could this horse be so far along and you not know she could be expecting. Well the first reason is I am completely stupid when it comes to horses. I always depended on G to help me and he always did. I have learned many things from him, but pregnant horses just never came up in our lessons. The next reason as I have mentioned is Sage is a big girl. The little donkey in the pasture with her is a small Jack, only about 600 lbs.  I ask G when we put them together if he thought I might have this situation and his answer was: Well you have got a male and a female so anything could happen. Never completely rule it out. But your Mare is older and many times and older Mare will not lay down for a smaller horse. He was betting this situation would never come up. I mention to him just a few days before he passed away that Sage was really rounding out on me and I was afraid she might be pregnant. He smiled at me and said I really doubt it honey. She is just getting fat, like I told you she would. I told him if this mare had a baby mule I was going to name it Gerald. He smiled at me and told me to do just that, and he commented about how cute the baby mules were. So here we are. The signs are there that she is either in a false pregnancy or going to deliver in just a few weeks. The vet will be coming out this week for the check-up that will answer my questions. Now people, I have only been into horses for about 5 years now and for all of those 5 years I have had G by my side. He told me what to do or handled the situation for me. I lost G early in September to cancer, which I hate by the way. I am scared. I have other friends who have offered advice and I do appreciate each and every one of them. I really do. How do I make them understand I need the man who has taught me everything I know. This wonderful horse that I love so very much was a gift from G. The most wonderful gift and I love her to death. She is 15 years old. Now I know 15 is not old for a horse, but there are so many questions. I do not know if she has ever had a foal before. I do not know what to expect. I have never been involved in horse birth. Saw puppies and kittens being born, but never a horse. What if something goes wrong and the vet cannot get here fast enough. What if I do not know the proper time to put Sage up and she gives birth out in the pasture. I can think of many questions. The crazy thing is; anyone could answer these questions for me, but as crazy as it sounds I want to hear his answers. I hear him in my mind telling me to stop worring about things that have not happened yet. She knows more about it than you do so just stay out of her way. Let nature happen and everything will be OK. I hear him saying all of these things to me. I am scared. I do not want anything to happen to this wonderful horse he gave me. I would love to keep the baby, but the timing is terrible. It looks like I will have a baby horse in the winter, the worst time to raise one. I have researched on the internet. It is not like I am completely stupid and will just panic and not look for help. I have. I just wish I had the wisdom of the man I trusted the most. He was the best horseman I have ever known. Oh well, he is in a better place and no longer suffering. I know he is OK. He told me everything will be OK when he was gone and I believe him. I just wish he was here to know what is happening. But he is not and I must handle this situation, and I will. But, I am scared. I am very scared. I hope my horse will be OK. I hope everything will be OK. It will because he said everything would, but he did not know at that time that my horse might be pregnant. He would have still said it's going to be OK. I know he would have. I am scared. Really Really Scared.

The Big Red Machine :) Sage

The Big Red Machine is my nickname for Sage my horse. Technically I believe Sage is Chestnut, but red is red and she is a big girl. 15.2 hands for you horse people and 62 inches tall for you non horse people.  Today Sage and I are going riding. We have not ridden much lately, many things have come up, but we are going riding this morning. I am excited, and I am sure Sage would rather just not mess with it. She is a great horse, but big slow and lazy is a good description. She would just rather not go riding. Well we are going this morning. It is a little chilly out this morning, so should be a great morning. I have friends who tell me I should not baby this horse and talk to her, but folks, let me tell you, this is falling on deaf ears. I love this horse so much and talking to her is just what I do. I have many nicknames for her, such as the Big Red Machine, My Mini Horse, and Frick, (which goes with the one of the donkey's nicknames, Frack). I will have to post a picture of Lil Ben, my donkey. I will at the end of this post. He is a little sweetheart. He was rescued last December with 7 other donkeys. My friend Gerald got these donkeys from someone to sell them. I had told him I wanted a donkey and he picked out Lil Ben because he was so sweet. When he first came to live with me, you could see all of his ribs but I promise you, he has really plumped up. We love him too. I told Gerald he got me the best donkey in the world. Back to Sage. I have someone coming to meet Sage and Ben this afternoon. She wants to get on the horse. We will see how this works out. I do not think she has any horse experience. Sage is very tall, so many say they want to sit on her, but change their mind when they stand next to her. When Gerald first brought her to my pasture, I thought, Lord this horse is 7 feet tall. She might be big, but she has the best personality. Such a sweet girl. Most of the time. There have been minor problems, but honestly, they came from me being stupid, not Sage. Oh well, I ramble, which is why my blog is called Ramblings that go on and on. Sage and I are headed out later this morning and I am sure we will have a great time. I hope everyone has a wonderful Saturday and the weather is nice and beautiful where you are. Hopefully there will be a picture of Lil Ben at the end of this. he is not going riding today. He has to stay home. I guess I need to get him a friend to stay with him. Hmmmmmm. more on that one later...................  :)

I HATE Cancer

I hate Cancer. Now I do not know of anyone who likes it, but I really hate it. In the last couple of years I have lost 4 people I loved dearly to this horrible disease. All 4 had a different type, but the end result was the same. They are not here. I loved all of them. With each one, I did get the opportunity to tell them I loved them and also tell them how much they meant to me. Also, with each one of them, after they were gone from this world, I thought of one million more things I should have or wanted to say. With each one, I vowed to tell people how I feel about them and how much I love them before they get sick. I try, but fail. I mean too, but for reasons unknown to myself, do not always do this.
Back to cancer. Just the mention of the word makes me sick. I hear it and have this awful feeling of dread. I wonder why we cannot find a cure. I wonder why this terrible disease seems to strike wonderful people that do not deserve this. This week has been a really tough one for me, and I have no idea why. I have missed one of these people so much this week, and think of them all the time. I miss all 4 of them. They all were special and important in my life. I miss talking to them and laughing with them and spending precious time with them. When the last one I lost told me he had cancer, I actually went and threw up. I could remember the previous 3 and how each one of them told me they hoped to defeat this terrible monster. They did not defeat this monster and my fear was he would not either. I never told him, I was afraid for him. He knew. He could see it on my face. This terrible monster defeated him too. I cried and cried. I still cry for all of them. I miss you all and still love all of you. I hate cancer.

No Internet !!!

I recently made the decision to change the provider I have my internet service with. The company I decided to change to assured me there would be no problems and I could go ahead and disconnect with my current company. I believed everything they told me, so I disconnected with my current company. Guess What??? The new service did not work correctly. Actually it did not work at all. I called for help. The person that came on the telephone could not help me, BUT they assured me they would have someone who could help me call be back within the hour. Three hours went by with no return phone call. I called the sales rep back and they gave me a new phone number to try. I called the new phone number. This person could not help me but they took down my telephone number and would have someone call be back first thing the next morning. I can only guess that morning never arrived where this person lived because no one ever called me back. By this time I have gone 24 hours without internet service. People that know me, understand no one lost their life during this time, but it is only because I could not get a clear understanding of who I needed to choke. I called the sales rep back again. He was very sorry and must have called me honey at least 5 times. Now friends, I do not mind being called honey when the time is right, but when you are trying to patronize me and get me to stop complaining about something I have every right to complain about, calling me honey is not the very best idea. Especially when you are doing it with a tone that is full of sarcasm. When this happens, you can be sure I am going to go off on you in a very big way. And I did go off on this sales rep. in a very big way. He apologized and gave me yet another phone number to call. I called this number and got a very nice lady on the other end. She was very professional and really good at her job. She had me to hold for a moment, (and it really was a moment) and she came back and explained that the sales rep did not put the new order in correctly and my equipment was never activated. She took care of this problem and said it would take about 15 minutes for this to work correctly. She said she would call me back when it was ready. Guess What??  She called me back and told me my equipment was ready and to attempt to connect to the internet from my computer. Everything worked wonderfully and I was back on the internet. Now, through all the confusion and phone calls, I went without internet for 48 hours. Still no one lost their life during this time. If I had not had to drive several miles to where the sales rep was, it was looking bad for him. But, his stupid butt was not worth anymore of my time, so I stayed in Troy. I learned a great lesson during this time. That lesson was:  I actually can live without the internet. But only because I have a smart phone and I was able to get my emails on that. I am back up and running at home so I should have updates on here more often. Thanks to everyone who was patient. If you see that sales rep, slap him from me.

State Fair Results

Well the hubby has come and gone from the State Fair. I will go and enjoy all the fun and food tomorrow. But I promised his honey results and here they are: 2nd place on combed honey, 5th place on Amber extraced honey. He also got a 5th place on his hot pepper basket. Not too bad. He was thrilled. He loves putting things in the State Fair and loves winning something. I am both happy and proud for him. Now I just have to get him to enjoy the entire fair tomorrow and stay out of the honey exhibit all day. It will be a hard thing to do. Everyone should travel to your local State Fair and enjoy all there is to see and do (and eat). It is a really fun time.
More later from the fair. Everyone enjoy your evening.

No where to go but Down

Well it it State Fair time again. My husband is sooo excited. For the last several years he has entered some form of honey in the honey exhibit and won many ribbons. Last year he won best in show for the entire honey exhibit. Best of show for a quart of honey is a really big honor. They told him they could not remember if or when a jar of honey had won best of show. (I do not know who they are. Judges I guess) This year he entered honey again as well as hot peppers. He left out this morning to volunteer at the honey exhibit and was as excited as a small child at Christmas. He could not wait to get there to see if he won a ribbon again this year. Judging was Wednesday evening. I ask him what will he do if he does not win a ribbon this year. He looked at me as if I was speaking a foreign launguage. Now, last year he won the biggest award you can win in the honey division. Best in show. To win best in show you also have to win a blue ribbon, which he did. So there is no where to go but down from that.  Now I am not being negative, but when you have gone all the way to the top, is it not a little disappointing to go down from there. I suppose it is possible to stay at the top and win another Best of Show, but not likely. Well whatever happens, I wish him the very best of luck and I know he will be excited for himself and everyone else in the Bee Keeper's Org. that he belongs to. Many of them entered this year and I hope all of them win something. I will report later on who won what. Everyone have a happy and safe weekend.

Cold

I have a cold. At least I think it is a cold. Fairly sure it is not the flu. No fever, well maybe a little. Stuffy head, chest congestion, aches and pains, and cough. Yep, I have a cold. Not just a little Fall cold, but a full blown nasty cold that makes you feel like crap. I cannot sleep without medicine that helps with that. I cannot breathe without medicine that helps with that. I ache all over, but I am taking medicine that is suppose to help with that. The problem is: I am taking medicine for all of that, but I still have a cold and I still feel like crap. I could not imagine how I would feel if I were not taking medicine for all of that. If it sounds like I am whining, well it is because I am whining. Yep, whining is what I am doing. I hate a cold. By the way, it is 3:00 in the morning where I am, and I am not sleeping because I have a cold and cannot breathe and I ache all over. And to add to my whining, I did take my medicine but still feel bad. About to take more medicine and try to go back to sleep. I will whine more tomorrow. In case you have not realized this, I am not a very good sick person. No fun to be around.
Everyone stay well and I hope you do not get a cold.

A secret ??????????????????

What is a secret?  Mr. Webster says: kept from being known by others. hidden. OK, so if it is something that is not suppose to be known by others, why do people tell each other? Why in the world would you tell something that you do not want anyone else to know to someone else? I am confused. Truely I am. If it is something you do not want anyone else to know, I would rather you not tell me. Maybe you really do want people to know, but you do not want to be the one to tell everyone, so you tell just one person and hope they tell other people, even though you tell them not to. Maybe you do not want anyone else to know, but you feel you must tell at least one other person you trust, in case there is some type of emergency, that person will know the one thing that you did not want anyone else to know. Well, I just do not know the answer. I have has people say to me, Do not tell anyone, but........................................  I have also had them say to me, I probably should not tell you this, but......................................................  I think even once or twice, I have heard, you will never guess what, and .......................................................... Now as the person that now knows the secret, I have to go about my daily life and pretend I do not know the secret. But I do know the secret and I see things that the secret effects, but I cannot say anything. Things get complicated, people's feelings get hurt, and once in a while, bad things happen. Now, I know the secret and could save people's feelings, (except for the person that told me the secret). Well is any of this fair to any of the people involved? I would say "no". It is really not fair to the person that knows the secret. They have to watch all the confusion and pretend like they have no idea why any of this is going on. I ramble. I think I have made my point. Now that my point has been made, let me say this. I know a secret. I promised to never tell anyone what I know. The person involved shared the secret with me and I believe it to be true. They trusted me with this secret and ask me not to tell anyone. I am not sure why they trusted me. They call me friend, so maybe this is why. I am watching the confusion that has been caused by this secret. Feelings are about to be hurt, in a bad way. Now, I wish I did not know this secret. But, too late, I do know. I have to watch and remain silent. I made a promise to a friend.
I have decided I do not like secrets. I do not like making them or knowing them. If it has to be a secret, chances are you are doing something you should not be doing. Maybe not. Surprise parties are secrets, but only for a very short time, then everyone knows. I do not really think that should be considered a secret.

I ramble again. Not to worry. This secret is safe with me and I have heard the saying many times, I will take it to my grave. I feel in the future, if someone starts to tell me what they call a secret, I will ask them to please not tell me. I would rather not know. But for now, my friend, fear not. I know a secret, and it will remain a secret. That's what real friends are for. 

Thank-you, I forgot.

I have a dear friend who has gone above and beyond being nice to me in the last few weeks. She has done some really special things and really been there for me. I realized this morning I had not said "Thank-You." I did say thank-you in more than one way. I called them and said it and I posted it on Facebook and said it. I did not use her name on Facebook, but she knows.
Saying Thank you is such a small gesture, but it means so much. I would never want her to think I take her for granted or did not appreciate what she did for me. I was taught as a small child to always say Thank-You. It shows appreciation and respect. I taught my son this and doing my best to teach my granddaughter the same. Saying Thank You for small acts of kindness like someone opening the door is a must in my house. It takes so little to say it, but it shows the person doing it that you do not expect it and are grateful they were kind enough to do this. In this day and time, many do not say Thanks. I personally feel this is rude and disrespectful. Acts of kindness are not required and when someone does one for you, Thank You should always be said. Said, not presumed. Thank You to my friend and I do appreciate you.
Thank You to everyone who reads my blog. I do appreciate you too.

Work in the barn.

Good Afternoon Everyone. I survived the Rodeo. A great time was had by all, but my friend's horse was injured during the Pole Bending event. I think the horse will be OK though. Twisted her leg going around the last Pole.
I have just come from spending all morning at the barn. Shoveling, moving, brushing, lifting, and all around working by butt off. I loved it. I think I have told everyone how I feel about my barn and the peace it gives me. Hard work never hurt anyone, and in that place it never hurts me. Well almost never. I was leaning on a piece of wood today while hammering something into the side to the barn. My piece of wook gave way and I hit the ground. The ground is much harder these days. I feel it must be due to dry weather, because it certainly cannot be my age. Why, that would never be a factor. Ha.
Anyway, I am fine. Will probably be a little sore tomorrow, but I have a day off from work, so all is well. Actually, I will probably be back at the barn doing more work tomorrow. It is the time of year to get things ready for the cold weather that will most surely come. I try hard to keep my animals a dry, soft and warmer than outside place to get if they want to.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday and enjoy your day. I also hope you have peace in your hearts on this Sunday.

Sage

Well Good Friday Morning to Everyone. Looking forward to a long weekend. I am going to the Rodeo to watch a good friend run in the Barrel Racing Finals. I am sure we will all have fun.
All of you know I have a Quarter Horse named Sage. I love this horse so much. She was a gift from a dear friend, plus she is the perfect horse. (Most of the time)
Yesterday morning when I got to the barn for feed time, Miss Sage was showing signs of colic. Colic as you know if not good. If they get down and roll the results can be fatal. Sage was kicking at her stomach, which is one of the signs. I thought, oh no, here you are doing this and I have no one to call for help. In the past if something like this was going on I would have called my friend "G", but I do not have this option. I thought of all the things he had taught me and went into action. First I listened for gut sounds. I did not hear any at that moment. We started walking. Keep them on their feet and keep them moving. We walked for a little while and she pooped a little. Great. I listened for gut sounds, and thought I heard them but was not sure. We kept walking. After a little while, we had a larger poop. Great!!! I listen again and heard gut sounds this time. I really heard them. I was about ready to call the vet, but felt we might be OK. I checked on her several times during the day and she was doing well.
I think we have made once again. I changed Sage feed last week to something with less fat and more vitamins, so maybe the problem. Going to watch closely and see.
I tell this story, to remind myself I can do this. A lot of the time I do know what to do when something goes wrong with this horse, I am just not sure of myself. Spent too much time leaning on someone else. I feel good when I make good decisions and things go right. I think I can do this. Yea for me and just pat myself on the back. Now, off to the barn this morning and I hope I have a 1200 lb horse standing there to greet me not laying down in the pasture. Oh, I am not over confident folks. I do have the vet on speed dial.   :-)

Everyone have a wonderful weekend. I will let you know how I do at the rodeo. Oh, be kind to each other. Life is short.

Getting up on my Soap Box

I was all ready to get on my Soap Box this morning and blast people who cannot stand for others to be happy. I was going to go on a rant.
 I have changed my mind. For now. But trust me friends, it is probably coming. Some people do not know when to leave well enough alone and actually mind their own business and stay out of others. I will only take so much more and then I will explode. But not today.
Today I am going to try to reason with myself about school pictures. Paper was brought home from school talking about school pictures and they would be taken next week. Now, here is the problem as I see it. They want us to choose a package and pay for it in advance. Buy something before you see it. I have been known to do this, but when it comes to pictures, this is not happening. School pictures are always hit and miss. Children can be hit and miss. Why in the world would I buy a package of pictures in advance when I have no idea what they will look like. I do not know what background they will use. I certainly do not know if little Princess Skylar will be having a good or bad hair day that day. (She has curly hair, bless her). I do not know if she will spill breakfast on her top that day and have a stain. Why would they expect me to purchase them in advance. I am sure they fill they have the best photographer and all pictures will be wonderful, but seriously???!!!!???  Some children just do not like some photographers and pictures turn out to be awful. I have to make this decision before next week and fill out the paper. you can probably tell I have already made this decision. I am going to send money for the smallest package (still $20.00) and take this child to Wal Mart and have her pictures made. They let you see them in advance, choose the ones you like, enhance your order, and you get more pictures for your money. Oh and I do not have to pay for them before I can see them. Imagine that.
Everyone have a great day.